“Father,” to God himself we cannot give a holier name.William Wordsworth
It’s impossible for me to fully express how important my father is to me. I’m afraid I’ve never communicated well enough the love and respect I have for him. I’ve been searching for the best way to share my thoughts and feelings with him while looking for the right opportunity to ask him if he would be the best man at my wedding.
I can’t begin to imagine what life was like for him growing up. He’s an inspiration to anyone who’s survived or is in a similar situation. He didn’t give up. He didn’t allow himself to become his father. He set an example for his brothers and proved to them he could turn out to be a better man than he was. He made the most out of the cards he was dealt and has provided more than enough for his family. I’ve never known him to buckle under pressure or come unprepared for anything. If I had a fraction of the courage and confidence he’s had in himself I’d probably be on Broadway by now! I still don?t know exactly what I want to be when I grow up. I thought I had it figured out a long time ago. The most successful man I know lived under the same roof with me for 22 years. If I turn out to be half the man and father he is, I will have achieved success.
I would rather call a song a story. For several years I’ve been working on a story my father inspired me to write. It’s his story. It explores the emotions of a boy buried in a man who was forced to take charge of his family as a result of his father’s alcoholism and the physical and emotional abuse that coincides. What follows is an explosion of the sorts of feelings the subject might deny himself the right to feel over a course of many years in an effort to provide strength and stability for his family. The story is called “Better Man.” In my eyes my father’s the best man. I hope he’ll accept this as a special Father’s Day gift and an invitation to best man my wedding.
The story was originally written on and meant for the guitar but it’s developed into a piano piece with a Broadway musical flavor. I don’t like recording because it’s like picking out a suit you’re going to wear for the rest of your life! I’m a performer. There’s a number of instruments missing in action from the demo. “Better Man” was written for percussion, bass, guitars and strings.
It took several years to write. I was very patient and let the story grow at its own pace. It will continue to evolve with my skills as a storyteller and musician. Like a mentor of mine says, all of my songs are children. Some grow up to be doctors and lawyers. Others grow up to be bums! In the end I think “Better Man” could grow up to be the star of a successful musical. Thank you all for letting me share and trust this with you.
Better Man
Words and Music by Jeff Hartman
Can you hear my mother cry while my three wary brothers ask for reasons why
their father’s come home late again?
Out is where you never should have been
There’s only so much one can take
You broke our hearts
Now you’re a choice I have to make
You’ve let the bridge burn slow
Take your matches
Go
No more
No more
Spend the pain on silver spoons
Pass the time with candled cake and cheap balloons
I know you know I don’t know how far I can make a smile go
There’s only so much one can give
Police the death beneath my appetite to live
Empty bottles
Broken vows
Damning God what he allows
What for?
What for?
I am the man of the house
Un-recognizable boy
Damned if I’m man if I’m mouse
If I’m anything less than you want me to be when you want me to
I can run but I can’t hide
It’s impossible now
I’ve got nothing to lose but the life that I choose to live without you
Making haste of the waste of time proving to you that I’m not you
And I’m not you
Rising above compromising my love
You will never get the best of me
Forgetting you
Slowly forgiving you
Setting me free