My youngest brother drank himself to death in March 2019 after a ten-year battle with addiction and depression. He was 33. He served four years in the Navy and my late father, along with the rest of us, were very proud of his service. They are both sorely missed.

I failed to convince my brother of my love and his value to me, to others and what should have been for himself. Empathy failed. Tough-love failed. Professional help failed. “The system” failed. Finding ways to connect with him became increasingly difficult towards the end. The conversations we did have and could always have were seemingly unimportant conversations about DC, the DCEU, and more often than not, “The Snyder Cut.” “What went wrong?” “Will it see the light of day?” “Did you see this?” “Have you heard that?” When we couldn’t discuss hard things, we could talk Snyder. To speculate and “imaginate” with my brother about all things Snyder gave us a safe way to reach one another.

Two particular YouTubers, Chris Wong-Swenson, The Ping Pong Flix Show, and Dave Pena, The Film Junkee have helped fill some of these holes in my life with their years-coverage of the journey Justice League and the Snyder Cut have taken. Dave even resembles my brother a bit, both with his looks and his mannerisms. Dave streams what he calls the “Vodka Stream.” Coincidentally, Vodka was my brother’s vice and when I watch these two, I see in them an opportunity my brother missed—to focus and channel his energy into something similar; to be part of a community that may have otherwise saved his life. I’m so thankful to these two for their resilience, their creativity, and their passion, and although there are many Snyder proponents to be grateful for, I credit Chris and Dave more than anyone for lighting the way for me and other Snyder fans.

Zack Snyder’s Justice League, aka The Snyder Cut, is more than a film. It’s literally a team effort. It’s justice for Zack and his vision—for all involved; including the fans. It has become a bittersweet tribute to his daughter. It’s hope. It’s one for the good guys. It’s a reminder. I identify with Zack as an independent artist, void of any desire to do what everyone else is doing. He’s meticulous and purposeful. He’s brilliant. I see a loyalist and most importantly, a good father and husband.

It’s going to be an emotional day for me on Thursday when I sit down with my family to watch Zack Snyder’s Justice League. There’ll be an empty seat where my twins’ Godfather should be. When “For Autumn” illuminates the screen, my heart will break for Zach & Debbie and for my own family—For Autumn, for my brother Kyle, for every hidden soul suffering from depression. I survived suicide. There isn’t a day that passes when I don’t think, “Why am I still here, but my brother isn’t?”

Thank you Zack, Debbie, Chris, and Dave for helping me and continuing to help me get through one of the darkest moments of my life. We celebrate all of our March birthdays on one day every year as “March Madness.” My brother’s birthday is March 5. My twins, March 8. My wife’s, March 10. My uncle and sister-in-law’s, March 17. My cousins, March 24, 25 and 29. Mine, March 30. There’s probably more! Funny how Zack’s is March 1, Debbie’s is March 13, and now Zack Snyder’s Justice League is March 18. Good company.

P.S. – As I was about to click the publish button, Bryan Adam’s “Heaven” randomly played on the iPod at my studio. Kyle wanted me and my wife to sing that song at his wedding. There are thousands of songs on that iPod. What are the odds of that song starting at that very moment?

For more information and to donate to the Autumn Snyder Tribute Fund at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, please visit https://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.personalCampaign&participantID=2384952